trust
has long lived within me
early days it told me that anger and venom were always around the corner
possibly awakening you in your sleep
no room for restful silence
the anticipatory space for negative vitriol dug pain-full cracks
in the very foundation of a wee life
then later – trust that those days of egg shell dancing were long gone
as if reborn
but the jaggedly gapped foundation made for precarious progression
all of the two steps up and one step backing
until one day fully awakening to the fact
this sacred life is mine alone
and it was two thirds (if not more) complete
and I began to deeply trust
listen and trust
listen to my body when it needed accomodation
listening to the creaking joints
listening to the longing of my heart
listening to death and its whispers
as childbirth had called me to deep dive into the liminal mystery
and take back my power
Death sends the same call
magic visits more frequently
and trust
believing the efficacy of the whispers
trust their guidance to The Real
the velvety depths of life
trusting that the relationships have been loved
to their very aching core
and can go on in their own beautiful
and terrible
way
without me
cleaner than with me
trusting that now is the time to be fully awake
to my very own life
and live it
and leave it
knowing I've done what love and life demanded
trusting that the word selfish has no business here
and that all transformation takes a deep deep breath
and then a plunge
a free fall into what life and death is calling us to do
and for that I say thank you
for the lessons
the love
the heart-wrenching
the knowing
the big mess that has now turned into a massive foundation
cracks cemented by unbreakable
trust
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