T R U S T

trust 

has long lived within me

early days it told me that anger and venom were always around the corner 

possibly awakening you in your sleep

no room for restful silence

the anticipatory space for negative vitriol dug pain-full cracks 

in the very foundation of a wee life 

then later –  trust that those days of egg shell dancing were long gone 

as if reborn

but the jaggedly gapped foundation made for precarious progression

all of the two steps up and one step backing

until one day fully awakening to the fact 

this sacred life is mine alone

and it was two thirds (if not more) complete

and I began to deeply trust

listen and trust

listen to my body when it needed accomodation 

listening to the creaking joints 

listening to the longing of my heart

listening to death and its whispers 

as childbirth had called me to deep dive into the liminal mystery 

and take back my power 

Death sends the same call

magic visits more frequently 

and trust

believing the efficacy of the whispers 

trust their guidance to The Real

the velvety depths of life

trusting that the relationships have been loved 

to their very aching core 

and can go on in their own beautiful 

and terrible 

way

without me

cleaner than with me

trusting that now is the time to be fully awake 

to my very own life

and live it

and leave it

knowing I've done what love and life demanded

trusting that the word selfish has no business here 

and that all transformation takes a deep deep breath

and then a plunge

a free fall into what life and death is calling us to do 

and for that I say thank you

for the lessons

the love

the heart-wrenching

the knowing 

the big mess that has now turned into a massive foundation

cracks cemented by unbreakable 

trust